House vs Home: The Art of Recognizing Which Part Of You Is Currently Interfacing With The World.

Updated: Mar 1, 2021

MINI WORKSHOP - apx. 30 minutes

REMEMBERING THAT YOU ARE IN FACT an expression of something infinite and unchanging, unconditionally loving and undying, and tapped into a field of harmonious creative energy, is just the beginning.

The next stage of your Mastery is to practice being only that.

In this training we’ll look at how to discern what part of you is eternal and unchanging, and what part of you is temporary and constructed, so you have the Sovereign choice of what you tell the world about Who You Are.

Oxford Professor Merve Emre said in her book, The Personality Brokers (1) that “Personality is neither innate nor inert, but rather seismographic.” I like that saying because people tend to think that everything about them is set in stone, defining themselves by the results in free online personality tests (ie “Which Priestess Lineage Are You?”).

When we master the ability to instantly discern whether the mental, emotional or behavioural pattern we’re engaging in is something from our nature or something from a constructed form identity, then we are free to allow those patterns to become malleable, and shift. Knowing this gives you much more sovereignty - a controlled demolition is sometimes safer than letting a structure go derelict and hazardous.

The following metaphor has been the most important on my journey to understand this dichotomy of true and constructed identities: It’s like the difference between a home, and a house. Home is an internal quality, a sacred belonging, and a house is a structure. There is nothing wrong with having a house, a structure that we use to shelter the home. But your housing needs might change over time, to better accommodate your home.

And if you get too stuck in your house, too attached to the building itself, and you start to believe that the house is what home is, then you might never notice how inappropriate the structure really is for the changing environment, and changing needs of the occupant. In fact you’ll end up losing everything that matters, fighting to the death to defend it. If, on the other hand, you have the Sovereign mastery to be are aware of where the house ends and the home begins, then you are liberated to make gentle and smooth shifts as time goes by and your understanding of home deepens and unfolds.

The same is true for your personality self. Oftentimes called the Ego, but I prefer to call it Way of Being. It is a constructed part of you, pieced together bit by bit by your innocently emerging soul as you learned and adopted facts about Life that you needed to relate to. It is not dangerous, and you don’t need to destroy it. Just be aware of where it ends and your true essence begins.

Many people are so afraid of the Ego, and they call for its death. The people who say “We Are Our Own Worst Enemy” are often the ones constructing a self-sabotaging way of being where the ego personality consistently chooses against their soul’s higher knowing, because that is the subconscious directive it’s being given. It is only Ego that tries to kill Ego. The Soul has no fear of it at all.

In fact, the thing named Ego is a good friend. It is the character playing the stories, paradigms and fears that are chosen again and again and again as we resist the change required to release them. That’s its job, as it sits on our left shoulder, knowingly glancing over from time to time to lock eyes with the true Self over on the right shoulder – the One who is the Truth that is True always.

The Ego is a wonderful help for interfacing with the world, and it does what it can to preserve its directive. That’s its job, and your job is to give it proper directive. If you present the script from a place of Sovereignty and not programming, you will align your entire being with God.

THE SECOND OF THE Eight Sovereign Masteries is the energetic discernment that lets you recognize the Ego and make peace with our constructed personality, understanding and forgiving it, and realizing that it is a malleable, seismological field that you can easily redirect according to the situation of your experience.

Introvert? Extravert? Thinker? Feeler? Whatever the situation demands. Is it time to get rid of this house and move to another? Should we release this mansion and go live in a tent? Should we leave the tent and go live in a mansion? These decisions are made easily and the shift is done in a nanosecond when you align with the way of being you need for the highest and best in every situation.

You will then find your Way of Being as an orchestra that plays to the conductor’s truthful note and speed, chosen in the moment to suit the dance. There is no need to kill the players.

So, when you are Sovereign you know the difference between the orchestra and the conductor.

IN THIS EARLIER ARTICLE we examine the stained glass window analogy, where the sunlight is the eternal Truth, the window is the human consciousness and the designs in the glass are the paradigms and stories we tell about life that become “fact” when the light projects them onto the floor of our experience. In this visualization, “personality type” is the structure into which the projections flow. It is the texture and hardness of our walls and floors, the shape and height of our ceiling and the fascia that we present to the world. “I am a cozy cottage” or “I am a cryptic cave” or “I am a vast cathedral.”

If there was a need to “kill the Ego’, to unravel or dissolve any manifestation of God below the infinite Oneness of which we’re all a precious part, then it would never have been conceived in the first place.

And yet, here we are. Alive. In life. The liberation is not in the murder of poor Ego, but in the Sovereign choice within the interface between the ever-changing circumstance and the never-changing Truth. I am the Light. I am the Window. I am the Floor. I am the Structure. I am infused in all that I am. I Am That I Am.

That’s why you don’t need to fear the constructed part of yourself. The House. You just need to know what it is. That’s what will give you the insight to know where the updates need to happen so your Home can grow in perfect peaceful joy.

The thought experiment in this article is a very basic map of personality built on early behavioral theories developed by Carl Jung. Knowing why you value and respond the way you do gives you an inner landscape through which to navigate into a deeper essence of Truth. It helps us practice feeling what is mostly like essence and what is mostly like intellectual justification. And yet, as soon as our discoveries become an identity in themselves there is also a danger that we use our personality type as a Golden Calf to justify a crystallization of expression:

“I Am an Extravert” or “I Am an Introvert” are no more useful than “I Am a Toad” as affirmations in the quest for Truth.

There is no personality assessment in the world that can define the mystery of who you are. Merve Emre writes,

“[What you] might be surprised to learn is that ... personality tests or inventories were designed by people who had very idiosyncratic notions of what personality was, and the dimensions along which to measure it.” (2)

So this experiment is not to uncover your personality type per se, but instead is to demonstrate a way to recognize and discern the difference between how you interface with the world of form and how you dance with the inner Beloved. This will also help you know how personality type has solidified certain stories in your life and how to use it to gain deeper mastery over your choices in how to respond to the world.

EVERY MORNING my husband and I get up early and spend a couple of hours together before the household wakes up and buzzes into the doing of the things. Sometimes we sit by the fire and sip cups of tea, other times we sit outside in the sunrise as the ever-changing light softens the rigidity of day and night and proves just how temporal everything is. Out there in the garden I appreciate the strange dynamic of how I can receive the grace of the morning sun. I can either let my eyes gaze over the garden, and enjoy the rich and luscious diversity in texture and shape, noticing how the shadows move and deepen as the light changes and new flashes of brightness and color pop in and out of existence.

I delight in marvelling at the light reflected to me by the external. Or, I can turn my head to the sun, a view that isn’t interesting or diverse at all, and receive the warm golden glow of the rising majesty as it laces my face and body, drinking it in directly from the Source. Of course, it doesn’t matter which way I face, the glory is in the reflection as much as it is in the light because it’s all the same substance in the end. My experience of it just depends on my ability to receive it. Knowing which way gives me the greatest experience of Love in any given moment is what gives me mastery over my Way of Being.

The real dance of life is exactly this dynamic, a balance of engaging with both the temporary structure of life and the eternal source of the inner wellspring at the same time. A dance of examining, marveling and manipulating the external, and turning to the inner source to recharge and realign. We have different ways of doing that. We dance with the reflection using our extravert nature, and we dance with the source using our introversion. We dance with the outer using our senses, and we dance with the inner using our intuition.

The art and craft of knowing about what is true about you is the very same tool that will later become your most trusted compass. As a fully empowered and enlightened master on this planet, it is the only compass you’ll ever need. It is the knowing of Truth.

But why is there a difference in the personality types in the first place? Why aren’t we all the same? The answer is simple and we all know it. Nature demonstrates it to us all the time: symbiosis in diversity is much more successful as the flow of least resistance compared to monotony and monopoly. It takes a lot less effort for God to grow a meadow of 7 billion unique seeds than for human culture to put together an intricate clockwork of 7 billion cogs.

The different traits and preferences that we hold as our Way of Being influence and guide our choices - from how we think to how we feel and certainly what we put our hands to. That’s why some become nurturers and some become builders, and there is a graceful dance in how all the needs of a collective society will be met when each One follows the natural call of their soul. Without personality, what would be the impetus for anyone to follow any path in life, other than the need for survival? With personality preferences we glide as a Way of Being in a symphony of human interaction along a path that gives us a deep fulfilment and serves humanity as a whole.

Getting to know Who You Are brings the liberation in knowing that you have a right to be that.


Below is a series of dichotomous personality traits.

In each dichotomy, you will recognize yourself in both options. Your mission is to notice: is this recognition coming from an essence, or am I justifying or using logic and reasoning to prove that I fit the bill?

For example, if I offer you two options and you heart immediately leaps at option A but then your brain says “but actually whenever the weather is bad B would be better and in fact B was the way we always did it on Wednesdays and that was a lot more useful than A so B certainly makes a lot more sense and yes I really do enjoy B so let’s go with B” – then you can be pretty sure A is your essence and B is constructed. But! It’s not necessarily the first answer that is the truest!

Automatic response is often from ingrained programming, and even if you immediately choose A after meditating on them both for a while you might notice the stir of a neglected but innocent delight in the other option.

The craft is in getting very good at knowing which is which – and there is no right or wrong answer.

Explore these aspects of yourself with curiosity rather than judgment. There is no part of yourself that is wrong - maybe outdated or irrelevant to your needs, but certainly not wrong.

Imagine four 4 pairs of mirrors. Each pair reveals your reflection, and you’ll recognize both. But one of the mirrors in each pair shows your essence, and the other shows a practiced way of being.


The first pair of mirrors shows how you connect with yourself and the world of your lived experience. This is the dichotomy that we call Extravert and Introvert. This has nothing to do with how talkative you are or whether you’re loner or the life of the party. It has to do with where you plug back into the essence that revitalizes and reinvigorates your knowing of yourself.

The first mirror is titled Extravert. It shows your extraverted self, the one that finds solace in the conversations and interactions with others, in the story-telling and the laughter. The one that feels comfort in the embrace of other people’s energies and the sweet validation of yourself in their love for you.

The other mirror is called Introvert. It shows you the part of yourself that finds solace in the gentle solitude of your own company. In your dreams, in your contemplations, in your wonderings. Away from the vibrational noise of the external world.

Now, you already recognize both reflections. Don’t look for evidence or facts in your life to confirm one or the other, but instead discern which feels truest. Most peaceful. Most invigorating.

Which reflection feels like home? Which reflection feels like house?


The second pair of mirrors explores how you perceive the world around you, with all its stories that bring you meaning and value, whether they are smelly and messy and hard, or light and full of grace.

This is the dichotomy that we call Sensing or Intuitive. As before, both mirrors in this pair show you a reflection you know well, but even now you can tell that there’s a subtle difference, and one seems a little more familiar.

The first mirror is called Observer. It shows you the one who notices the detail. The one that views the world from a bottom-up perspective. In this way of being you quickly pick up on what is being transmitted to you through your senses. If you are highly sensitive you might feel people’s energies viscerally. Your way of understanding a picture is to notice all the individual bits of the puzzle – the textures, the sounds, the facts, the processes, and then form a masterpiece from those.

The second mirror is called Intuitive. As an Intuitive you perceive meaning first, before the pieces. You view the world from a top-down perspective, understanding concept and notion before identifying the pieces of the puzzle in their individual parts. If you are highly sensitive, then your intuition will tell you what you need to know about the One who sits before you, even if your senses aren’t delivering a visceral experience of their energy.

So! Sensing, or Intuitive? And yes, you recognize both glorious reflections – but notice the subtle difference in the vibrational field of knowing as you lean one way or the other. Which one feels easy? Which one is more constructed?

Which reflection feels like home? Which reflection feels like house?


Now we move to the third pair of mirrors. Here you take a good look at the dichotomy that has to do with how you process the information delivered by your senses and your intuition. This is the Thinking and Feeling dichotomy. This is how you arrive at decisions.

The first mirror is called Thinker. It shows you the part of you that is logical and focused in your thoughts. You will weigh up the information you have and understand, and you’ll use cognitive calculations to steer your ship one way or another. You contemplate, and wonder. You ponder things, mulling them over with enjoyment or perhaps with anxiety. Your feelings matter, and your heart may make the final choice, but it is your mind that gives power to the direction you sail in.

The second mirror is called Feeler. The reflection you see is the One who makes use of your emotional guidance first. When it comes to a decision you will feel the meanings and values of those involved and although you’re acutely intelligent and your thinking will contribute to where you go, it will be the energetic alchemy of those feelings that make up the body of water you sail on. Your compass will point to what feels right in the moment.

As you discern how both these important tools show up in your life, and which one is dominant as your way of choosing, you’ll notice that one of the reflections seem sharper.

Which reflection feels like home? Which reflection feels like house?


Finally, we move to the last pair of mirrors. Here you gaze at the Way you move along the path of life as you journey from A to Z. This is how you navigate. This is the Judging and Perceiving dichotomy, and has to do with how you manage your forward progress.

The first mirror is called Judging. It is showing you the One who is organized and orderly, who appreciates systems that follow a flow of meaningful, linear expansion into the next and then the next. Plans serve you well, and sometimes you throw the plan out the window, but at least you built the plan first. This way of living is like reciting the alphabet: A to B to C to D until you arrive at Z.

The second mirror is called Perceiving. It is giving you a reflection of the One who on the other hand, is spontaneous and whose focus may fly from A to C to W to B to F, back to A, and land on Z at some point. You might seem erratic to those watching you on the outside, but the inner process is just as meaningful and logical, as the lessons you embody with every step back and forth each gives rise to new understandings that propel you forward on your path.

You might be both orderly and spontaneous, but again you will be able to discern which of these two are most like your way in life. Judger or Perceiver?

Which reflection feels like home? Which reflection feels like house?

For the rest of the week, enjoy the practice of noticing the threshold between I and me, eternal and temporary, essential and constructed, home and house. And practicing sliding your awareness back and forth on that scale without submitting to any “fact” about yourself at all. Notice what you notice.

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